NEWBS

There are seven new coaches who will be making their debuts with their new teams on Sunday. Some of them are with new teams while some of them will be making their head coaching debuts altogether. It was an eventful offseason, in case you forgot, here's a rundown of coaches who will be wearing new vests/sweaters/hoodies this week.

Rex Ryan (Buffalo) - Rex needs to get fat again. When he was tanked up, he was all like "WOOOO LET'S GO SLAPPIES EAT SOME 'ZA AND BANG BRADY'S WIFE". Now, he's coaching Buffalo.

Dan Quinn (Atlanta) - Quinn will be an immediate upgrade for Atlanta because of the poor record Mike Smith accumulated over the last two years. I bet Gus Bradley is SMH that he took the Jacksonville job instead of waiting for an opportunity like this. Still, I predict Quinn is fired within two seasons of 8-8 football.

John Fox (Chicago) - Every gas station within a five mile radius of Soldier Field better make sure they have plenty of gum on stock. Fox's record has been generally good but that's not stopping Bears fans from giving him the Joe Flacco treatment. Who cares who coaches Chicago, it could be Vince Lombardi, and they'd still want this guy back.

Todd Bowles (New York J-E-T-S) - Up-and-comer coordinator gets hired by a terrible football organization. We all know how this turns out.

Jack Del Rio (Oakland) - Hopefully Jack enjoys the last 21 games of his coaching career before he's replaced with some hot shot co-ordinator who's career ends as soon as he ends up in Los Angeles. Oh ya, they replaced a coach who buried a football with a guy who puts axes in the locker room. Classic Raiders, classic.

Jim Tomsula (San Francisco) -  mmmphmphphmph.

Gary Kubiak (Denver) - What are you doing BoJack Horseman? Kubiak is replacing a coach who won four division titles in four years. His quarterback, who is the difference between a playoff spot and a top-5 pick, has body parts comprised of tic-tacs. Enjoy the rebuild Denver. Maybe you can hire Todd Bowles in 2018.